Adventures with Johnny, Part 158

Johnny is in the stands for Game 1 of the World Series, watching Chase Utley hit his first of two home runs.

Remember...

Only DFH and mushy-headed liberals are pro-gay marriage:

Film Club: Slaughter High

It's time another movie review for The Film Club, the creation of Stacie Ponder over at Final Girl!

This month's movie is the 1986 cheapie Slaughter High, a tale of revenge, incoherence, unwanted nudity, and bad lighting. Let's get started!

Slaughter High was directed by three people: George Dugdale, Mark Ezra, and Peter Litten. It took only one guy to direct Citizen Kane, but it took three people to direct Slaughter High.

The film opens with a shot of its ostensible star, Caroline Munro:

...this immediately made me kinda sad, to see the ravishing Ms. Munro appear in a Grade Z movie like this. The woman who helped usher me into puberty (via her appearances in films like The Golden Voyage of Sinbad and The Spy Who Loved Me) should not have to earn her keep in schlock like this. Oh well.

Her character is leading on an uber-ned named Marty (Simon Scuddamore), seemingly to a tryst in the girls' shower room.

But turns out its all a big practical joke--and I mean a really big one: look at all the other people involved, who follow them both into the showers:

...wow, Ben-Hur didn't have a crew that large!

Anyway, trusting but stupid Marty gets naked, thinking he's going to get a shot at Caroline Munro's Carol. But instead, the gang sprays him water, poking him with sticks, and giving him a nasty, head-first dunk in the toilet, where we see way too much of Mr. Scuddamore:

...yow!

The gang even partly electrocutes(!) Marty, but then they are stopped by the gym coach. Later, they pull another gag on Marty, which leads to an accident in the chemistry lab, causing a fire and burning Marty to a crisp. As he's carried off on a stretcher, he tries a half-hearted attempt at strangling Carol.

Cut to: years later, and we see all the rotten teens(even though Caroline Munro was 36 when she shot this!) as adults. Carol is a sort of skin-flick actress, haggling with her shifty agent:

...you just know this had to be one of the producer's houses. Just imagine how much coke was done in this room!

Anyway, all of them get invited to a high school reunion, which they improbably show up to, even though the high school is now a creepy, abandoned, dank building.

After they all show up, "accidents" start happening. When one of them is killed, they find they're all trapped in the building thanks to a series of death traps laid out for them. One of them does manage to escape, but before he can get far he's stabbed in the gut by a masked maniac!

At this point, the movie just kills off the cast one by one--one woman takes a bath(!), burning to death when acid starts shooting out of the faucet instead of water, and two of them are electrocuted while having sad, grubby sex (where we see another male cast member's naked butt--what's with all the man ass in this movie?).

Slaughter High is a classic example of the cheesy horror movie where every improbable thing that needs to happen does--Marty, now a (presumably) deformed killer, is some sort of mechanical genius, having arranged a series of complicated death traps that would make a Batman villain proud.

Finally, only two women are left, and he dispatches one of them when she falls into a tiny hole leading to a gooey pit--somehow, she managed to walk into the exact right spot. Better to be lucky than smart, I guess.

Finally, there's just Carol, who Marty hunts for about twenty minutes. Every time Carol gets a good shot in on Marty, she then drops the weapon in question (a bat, a sharpened spear), only to have Marty pick it up and chase after her again.

Marty then corners Carol in the exact same shower all this got started in (oh, the irony!), and stabs her to death. The end.

Or is it? Marty then starts hearing spooky voices, and he meets all his victims again, as ghosts, looking like extras from Thriller:

...Marty then wakes up, bandaged, in an insane asylum. Ah--it was all a dream!

Marty is approached by a nurse, and then we see an alarm go off. A doctor out in the hall looks to see what the trouble is, only to get stabbed in the eye with a needle, held by Marty who has switched clothes with the nurse for no good reason:

...presumably this means Marty will escape, and begin his plan of revenge, for reals this time. Ooh, Slaughter High 2: The Wrath of Marty!

Except...it was not to be. Actor Simon Scuddamore, who played Marty, apparently killed himself right after completing his work here, making this his only film appearance. This gives this movie an even more sad, depressing vibe to it.

Not that I don't enjoy a good (read: bad) cheesy slasher flick, but this movie was so grubby, so cheap looking, and so dull that I found it a slog to get through. Its only 92 minutes, but it feels like it goes on a lot longer than that. And it made me sad to see Caroline Munro have to waste her time in something like this. Oh well.


What's next, Stacie?

Adventures with Johnny, Part 157

Johnny poses in the actual Batmobile from the 1960s TV series while attending the Big Apple Comic Con on October 16. She's Robin to Daddy's Batman!

Before Apple Demands It Be Taken Down...

Best. Picture. Ever.

Me and Loretta "Hot Lips Houlihan" Swit at the Wizard World NY Comic Con, October 16, 2009.

Adventures with Johnny, Part 156

Johnny prepares to bring back the ball President Obama has just fired into the air (she nudges it with her shnoot).

Happy Birthday Dano!

Today is my pal Dan Eaker's birthday--happy birthday Dano!

Dan and I went to the Kubert School together, but didn't really meet until our second year, where we ended up in the same class. In our third year we had our desks next to each other, and that's where our friendship really took off.

Since then--eighteen years(!) ago--we've kept intertwining in each other's lives. For around a year and a half, we worked together in a small room in an art studio, run out of our boss's home. I would definitely not want some of the stuff we said repeated (mostly Dan).

Since our art styles are pretty incompatible, we really haven't had much opportunity to collaborate on anything--the big exception was a page-a-day calendar made for the medical community, a page of which you see above. In a very short period of time, we had to write, pencil, ink, and color something like 275 medical-related cartoons, which was a grueling process.

But we finished it, and it was a lot of fun--in some sort of masochistic way--to work so closely with my friend on such a goofy project. Its too bad we really haven't had the chance to do so again. But who knows what the future holds?

In any case, happy birthday Dan!

Adventures with Johnny, Part 155

Johnny is proud to be in attendance when President Obama delivers his comments regarding his winning the Nobel Peace Prize(!).

Adventures with Johnny, Part 154

Johnny makes an appearance on last night's Rachel Maddow Show.

Off-air, she and Rachel are buds.

Tangled Up In Yule

Via a special promotion with Citibank, I downloaded Bob Dylan's Christmas in the Heart album a week before its national release.

I immediately started playing it on my iPhone, and ran through the whole thing in one shot.

My first impression? Its a great, fun, goofy, heartfelt Christmas album! Bob isn't doing this ironically--his love old-timey songs is well established, and with the arrangements of the classic, well-trod holiday songs here, he's clearly trying to emulate those classic songs he heard as a kid, not remake them as "Bob Dylan songs."

Indeed, not being a particular fan of Christmas songs in general, even Bob's versions of such chestnuts as "Little Drummer Boy", "Do You Hear What I Hear?", and "O Come All Ye Faithful" leave me a little bored--I'm just so sick of these songs that even the great Bob Dylan singing them can't keep me enthralled.

But! There are lots of songs in here that are loads of fun, especially the album's mid-point song, "Must Be Santa", done here as a triple-time polka, with Bob trading vocals with a gaggle of background singers (his band? I still haven't seen the album credits yet). His versions of "Here Comes Santa Claus", "Winter Wonderland", and the relatively-obscure "Christmas Island" are also delightful.

All in all, it sounds like Bob Dylan is having a blast here--its also fun, after many consecutive albums of his being the only voice on display, to hear him share vocal duties with various background singers--and all he's trying to do is spread some holiday cheer.

Its amazing to think that the man, who turned 68 in May, has released two all-new albums this year; the last time he did that was before I was born. He's got the wind at his back, and he's sharing that sense of joy with the rest of us. What a generous man.

And speaking of generous, as if this wasn't enough, Bob is donating all his profits from this album--in perpetuity--to charity, so not only is buying this album just a good way to be entertained, but you're actually doing a good deed in the process. Ho ho ho!


(One quibble: All of Bob's albums since 1997's Time Out of Mind have been simultaneously released on vinyl. Considering CITH is such a conscious throwback to Christmas albums of old, I'm a little disappointed that, as far as I've seen, there is no vinyl version of Christmas in the Heart available)

R.I.P. Dick Durock 1937-2009

I don't know how I missed this news from a few weeks ago, but I was saddened to hear about the death of actor Dick Durock.

Durock had a long career, but I (and most people) knew him best as Swamp Thing, starring in both Swamp Thing (1982) and its 1989 sequel.

My Dad took me and my sister to see Swamp Thing when it came out, and it was really the perfect kind of movie for an eleven year old: goofy, funny, some horror content, and, thanks to the presence of Adrienne Barbeau, even a little nudity! I know--its a perfect film!

Durock also appeared on The Incredible Hulk and Battlestar Galactica, so his fame among the nerd crowd (guilty) was legendary. Durock appeared at a lot of comic/sci-fi/fantasy cons over the years, so thankfully he got to bask in the love people who grew up with him had for him and his work.